i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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