high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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