You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
