My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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