So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
