Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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