I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
