I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
