I think my vagina is haunted
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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