It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
