I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
