So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
