also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
