i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
