Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
