I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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