Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
