Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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