Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
