you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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