On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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