Just fell off a train. Bad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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