apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
