These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
