I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
