shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
