i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
