I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
