the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
