dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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