were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
