I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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