How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
