Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
