I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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