guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
