i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
