new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
