8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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