She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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