ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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