Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
false alarm, still single
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
