matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
