i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
