I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
