Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
