sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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