I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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