He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
