Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
