She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
