She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
