I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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