Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
