She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
